Spring Break

Today is the second day of spring break. My daughter is having fun. Her cousin has been staying with us and they have been playing hard.

I am having a tough day today. I am just not feeling well. Having a hard time getting anything done. I have been trying to study but it seems impossible at times. I have been doing pretty good, but I still seem to have some bad days. I wonder if the meds need to be increased. Maybe that would help even more. I will see when I go to the psychiatrist next week. I go to the psychologist this week. I need to find out what they both think about going back to work. I need to go back to work on April 5th or I could be let go. We will see what they say. I am anxious about going back. Not sure how I am going to handle everything. My daughter wanted to go to the zoo the other day. So we took her. I did okay until it started getting crowded and then I needed to leave. Too many people around. I start to get anxious. I hate it because I use to be able to enjoy things like that. Now I would rather stay home. It has gotten to where I need to go the shopping early because if I don't I get to anxious. I am still better than before but still not like I use to be. I can't wait to be normal again.

Right now I just want to hide. It is just one of those days. I hope it will get better. Maybe it will be better when I go back to work. I just don't know how I am going to handle the crowds. Depression and anxiety are tough diseases to have. it just never seems to get totally better.

Have a great night. :)

OK. I Can Try!!!

Well, I am going to try to continue. If I stop my master's course not by dropping, I might jeopordize my student loan and I don't want to do that. I guess the biggest thing I was scared of is the fact that this is all new to me. I have made a major change and it is totally different from what I have done since I graduated college in 1992. I know in my heart that I can do this. I just need to keep talking positive to myself.

I had a pretty go 1st part of the day. I felt better this morning and accomplished some things. This afternoon, I am starting to feel like yesterday. It is weird how I can have a pretty good morning and almost be my normal self and now I start feeling like I can't do anything. It was nice this morning. I accomplished some things, got some school work done, and felt good. It was great. Maybe the meds are wearing off in the afternoon. Maybe they need to increase to meds. I did so well this morning that I didn't even write in my book until this afternoon.

I think I might be ready to go back to work. I am a little nervous about it, but I know I can do it. I just have to remember to take one day at a time. I really miss the kids. I also need to get field day set. I don't want to let the kids down any more than I already have by not being there for the last several months. Maybe it will do me some good to get out of the house. I t will be tough.

I am sure lucky. I have the best sisters. They have been listening to me and helping me through all of this. I don't think I could have made it without them. I always wanted a sister and now I have 2 great sisters.

My daughter will be excited for me to start back at school. I just better get ready to answer questions from the kids. I will also have to remember, what happens with the job will happen and there is nothing I can do about it. I just have to try and see if I can just teach PE. I do not think I can handle the pressure of coaching and the time restraints of coaching. I want to start riding with my daughter and walking with her. That way we can both get our exercise. Also my sister and I are going to start lifting weights.

I hope everybody has a great day. :)

I Can't Do It Right Now!!!

I am so stressed out about my master's course. I don't think I can do it right now. I don't want to quit, I just want to postpone it until I get stronger. I have been trying to do some of the assignments and nothing I am reading is sticking. I don't know how to do the post. I am just overwhelmed. I think I realized that I am at a bad spot right now and this is just adding to the pressure. The psychiatrist said the other day that I am a negative magnet right now and I know she is right. That is all that is coming into my head right now. I am writing like the doctor said and it seems like I am writing all day. If I keep this up, my little book will fill up quick. Is it wrong of me to stop this stress right now? I can here my husband now. He will say I told you so. But I can't handle the stress from college. I would not be happy with a bad grade and that would not look good. So I think I will call my academic counselor tomorrow and talk to her about this.

I tried to go for a ride today. I only made it a mile. It was cold and I could not make myself go. I need to be happy that I got that far, but I'm upset because I know I can do more. I feel a sleeping day coming one. I am ready to hide for a while. I am so tired. Tired of eating and gaining weight all the time, tired of this depression and anxiety, tired of being so negative. I just can't seem to get totally out of it. I think I am going to listen to my body and rest for a bit.

I know why now!!

I know why I am eating so much now. The psychiatrist said I am trying to fill a void. There is something I am missing and I am eating to try to fill that whole. The bad thing is it doesn't work. She said I may have had this void all my life. She said that I may never get it filled. Now I just need to figure out what that void is. She said that my meds may cause a little overeating. Both meds are known to do that.

I am to do more writing. When I feel the anger inside me, I am to write. I am also to answer my always thoughts with what is really happening. For example, if I say I am always wrong. I need to write two ways in which I have not been wrong. I am trying to feed the positive and starve the negative. Right now I seem to be real negative. So I have gotten a notebook to keep with me. I just have to keep everyone from reading it. It is my thoughts and I don't want people to see some of these thoughts.

I started feeling the weighted feeling in my chest. I had a beer. It seemed to calm me. I know I'm not suspose to, but I only have one on occassion. It just seems to ease me.

I have been thinking about why I am angry. I can think of a couple of things. First is I am still mad at Ray for what he did to me. I thought I had forgiven him back many years ago, but I guess inside my body I didn't. Next, I am still mad at him for taking the lives of my loved ones. He took them away to early and we missed out on the normal everyday life things. It was not his right to do that either. He just messed up my whole childhood. I never had a chance. I am also mad at my Mom for not protecting me from him. It was not my fault. She should have stopped him. Finally, I am mad at my husband for not being their for me. I need love and hugs and support from him and he is not giving that to me. All it seems I am here for is to take care of the animals, make his food, and do whatever he needs. He gets mad if I do anything else. I am getting to the point where I can't stand it any more. Maybe that is why all of a sudden I have started cramming food. I need love from him and I am not getting it from him. I don't know what to do.

I gotta go put Kenzie down. Have a great night. :)

Just Eat and Eat!!!

That is all I've done today. I think I have tried just about everything in the house. I don't know why I just can't seem to stop eating. I'm not eating because I am hungry. I don't know what I am looking for but I wish it would stop being food.

Getting nervous about my next course. Now I will get into more of the study I would need to become a good administrator. It's going to be hard to do these courses. I hope I don't get discouraged.

My husband and I are not seeing eye to eye. He is never happy when I take my daughter and we do things without him. I think he believes when he is at work I should be home waiting for him. He seems to be worried about someone to feed the animals and clean and cook his food. He didn't talk to me last night because when I got back from visiting my family, I didn't have him any food. He cooked him something, but he didn't start talking to me until this afternoon. I really can't handle this. I can barely handle dealing with my problems and then trying to deal with his anger, I just can't do it. Why can he be supportive of me like I was supportive of him when he was home sick and disabled? I don't understand. I really don't know if I can be with him forever when he is like this. He barely touches me and that pushed me away more. It's like we are just roommates.

I am getting so tired of feeling the way I do. I might have a okay day but then I have a bad one. Today I am sick and tired of feeling this way. Sometimes I think it would be better if I wasn't around. But I would not do that to my daughter. She means the world to me and I just want to be back to normal. Why is there always a down when there is an up? I just want to cry. I go to the psychiatrist tomorrow, maybe they will up the meds. We'll see.

Just another day!!

I am not having a good day today. I woke up tired and am even more tired now. Caffeine is not helping to pump me up. I have been kinda down the last couple of days. Little things are getting to me. I almost cried today when I dropped my daughter off at school today. I don't know why, but I did. I'm thinking that I will need to up my meds. I have been on these meds for 4 weeks now and I'm feeling worse than I did when I started the meds. This getting the meds straight is a long process. I haven't been motivated to do much of anything. Really having a hard time. I have to try to put on a good face today. I have to go to school and take cupcakes for my daughter's classmates. Yesterday was her birthday and she wanted me to make cupcakes for everyone. She is so excited about it. I hope I don't disappoint her. She is really growing up. She is 7 now. I am so proud of her. She has been sick with an ear infection. She is better now.

I get so tired of feeling this way. I hate it. I just wish it would stop and I could be normal. I want to be my happy self again and enjoy things. Right now it is a challenge just to do anything. I can't even keep the house straightened up. I'm worried about how it night affect my classwork. I have been doing great, but this week I'm in the I don't want to do it phase. I am trying to remind myself that I don't have a choice when it comes to the schoolwork. I have to do it or I get a bad grade and that would devastate me. I've done everything I can to have a good grade. Thing is as soon as I finish this course next Monday, I start a new course on Tuesday. These classes are back to back. I see why they label you as a full-time student because there are not any breaks. Oh, I will et a two week break at Christmas. The good thing is I will be finished in September 2011. Well, I gotta go. I think I will take a nap. Maybe that will energize me. Have a great day. :)

So-So Mood

I have been in a So-So mood the last several days. I think my meds need to be upped. I was feeling better overall about 2 weeks ago. I have been busy with my online courses. That is why I haven't written lately. Plus i really haven't been in the mood. My psychologist told me to get back to the writing. So I will do a better job and try to write something daily. My last appointment with the psychologist went pretty good. He could tell I was not as good as I was the visit before. There were a couple of things that got to me. As I get closer to having to go back to school, I have started to have many dreams at night about it. I am real worried about the fact that I might not have a job when I return. Meaning that they will find something to let me go. I'm trying not to let it affect me but subconscoiusly it is. The second thing was my husband. He has not been as supportive lately. Not being loving and caring. He didn't even get me a card for Valentine's Day. I didn't want roses, just at least a card to say I love you. The psychologist told me I need to get an attitude about not letting what other people might think bother me. I need to get tough skin and say screw them. It's hard because I've been this way all my life. I'm trying but it is hard. I hope I start feeling like I did a couple of weeks ago. I take 2 steps forward and 1 backwards. I'll get better. I know it.

Have a great day. :)

It's been a while.

Well, I have not written in a while. I think the last time I wrote wore me out. A lot has happened in the week since I last wrote. I have been very tired lately. Drinking more caffeine than I probably should be, but it is the only way that I make it through the day without sleeping all day. I don't want to sleep all day, but I sure feel like it.

I started my master's classes. I had a three day workshop first. It helped to familiarize me with the website and the online classroom experience. I have now started my first class which is an introduction to graduate studies. I am kinda overwhelmed. I have been thinking that I must have been crazy for doing this at this time in my life. I wonder if I can do it. I think at times, I am too old for this. Then at times I know I can do this. I can get my Masters and change things in my life. I am trying to organize to help me feel better about everything. I think it is overwhelming at times because it is all online and I have never taken a course like this. I like computers, so I think it will work out okay.

I talked to the psychologist about how angry I have been. He said it was good because those feelings are coming out. I have hidden everything in the back of my head and my body is saying it is now time to let it out and deal with it. He also said that writing these post is very helpful. It is another way of getting it out of my head. He said that the most important thing to remeber is that I am the victim. There is nothing I could have done. He also said that my uncle is probably in the 1% of people who would do that to a little girl and then murder members of his own family. I've been trying to figure out what set it off. The only thing that I can think of is that I have been scanning pictures and maybe because I saw a picture of him, that set it off.

All I know is I am getting better. I'm not where I need to be yet, but I will get there.

Have a great night. :)

IT WAS MINE, NOT HIS!!!!!

I had a major explosion of feelings tonight. I am angry at my uncle Ray for him taking my innocence away. He molested me and probably sexual abused me but I don't remember that. He toke away the one thing I was suppose to be able to give away to that special person. He toke it from me. It was not his to take. I am angry because he toke away the joy and happiness that is suppose to accompany making love. It's not that for me. He made it dirty and something bad. Why could he do that to a family member let alone a young child. I don't understand why? Why did it have to happen to me? It's not fair. I know life's not fair, but it seems like I have had too many bad breaks. And now I'm dealing with this depression and anxiety that has seemed to put everything in my life on hold. I'm trying to move forward. I'm trying to set some goals and meet them. I feel like I'm never going to accomplish the goals I've set. It seems like I take one step forward then 5 steps back. I seemed to finally be feeling better and now I'm back to where I was or worse. It's not fair. Everything that happened to me as a child affected all my life. It affected every relationship I had or would have had. It affected how I handled life or didn't handle life. I tried to not let it affect me but it did. I guess pushing it to the back of my head for so long has not stopped it from affecting me. I guess it is time for me to hit it head on and finally deal with everything about what Ray did to me. It's kinda funny, but I have always not dealt with anything that might bring me pain and in the long run it has just brought me more pain. I hate confrontation about issues. I hate disappointing people. I hate not being in control. Well, see what I'm doing know. I hate the way I'm feeling but I know in the back of my head that I have to go through this or I can never have any resemblance oIT f a normal life. I don't know if I'm going to like the person that I become after this, but I will finally be free of it.

Starting to have some good days!!!

It's about time. I'm starting to have some good days. I'm still feeling tired, but I'm starting to sleep better and when I've gone out in public the anxiety has not been as bad. I didn't have to listen to music to distract me, but still not looking up. Still think people are starring at me. I'm trying to remember what my psychologist said. He wants me to try to talk to myself and say it doesn't matter what other people think of me. I kinda need a go to heck attitude about how other people think about me. That is something that I can't control. It's just hard because I've been like that for pretty much all my life.

Kenzie and I went and visited family yesterday. That was a great day. The girls had fun and Kenzie got to play the Wii with Meemaw and Uncle Adam. She had a blast. I spent time talking with Kari about possibly starting an Internet craft business. We are looking into it. We both have our things that we are suppose to research and then we will see from there.

I start my master program on Feb. 9th. I have an online workshop this week to get familiar with everything that I need to do. I am excited about this. Still a little nervous , but I know I can do it.

I am still more anxious about being around people I know. I am doing better, but I'm not sure if I can handle going back to school yet. I am going to try to go to church this weekend. I told Donnie, my husband, that we needed to sit at the back so I don't feel like everyone is watching me. We sit at the front and the people on the other side seem to be staring at me. I'm also going to try to call and get my hair cut. This has been hard for me to do because I don't know what people have been saying and how I will do talking at the shop. I know there are all kinds of rumors going around because the school can't official say why I'm out. That is illegal for them to do.

I'm going to try to get out for a ride today. It is a little cold so I am trying to wait until mid day to do so. That way it is a little warmer. If not, I'll get on my stationary bike.

Well, gotta go. Hope everyone is having a great and awesome day. :)

Getting Better!!

Well I'm getting better and making progress. We are still working on the meds. My psychologist visit went well today. He can tell I'm a little better, but I'm not fully better yet. If I keep doing what I'm doing and also exercising he said I will get better.

It's been hard to consider myself sick. He told me my diagnoses is major depression, panix attacks, and agoraphobia. That is what they put down for insurance. So if anybody ask, I can say this is what the insurance company hears from my doctors.

I have been accepted to University of Phoenix online. I have a workshop next week and will start Master's classes on Feb. 9th. I will do one class for 5 weeks, then advance to the next class.

I am reading Sarah Palin's book. She is my kid of person. I hope to learn a lot from her book about being confident and not worrying about what other people think.

Hope everybody is having a great day. :)

Doctor's Visit

The visit with the psychiatrist went well. We have adjusted the meds again. I am almost off the Zoloft and on Paxsil. The way I have been feeling is from withdrawal from the meds. I am looking forward to having it all working good. I will go back in 2 weeks to readjust meds some more. Hopefully, I will start to feel better and definitely by then.

I did an hour ride on the stationary bike. I went 11.1 miles. I felt pretty good. I am trying to exercise every day. I know it will make me feel better. Plus I want to reach my goal. The ride will either be 40 or 67 miles. There is not a 50 mile ride.

Have a great night. :)

Amazing!

It's amazing what people assume when you are not around. Some kids told my daughter Mackenzie that I got fired. I told her to tell them that I am home dealing with a sickness. I hate that she has to hear stuff like that.



It made me wonder what was being said at school and around town. Most of the time if kids are saying it, they are hearing it somewhere and most likely it is parents. I'm trying not to let it bug me, but it seems to keep popping back in my head.



I was able to accomplish a little today on my goal of getting organized and getting items ready for the garage sale. It felt good, but I didn't feel well the rest of the afternoon. I had a real bad headache. I've been trying to do as much as possible when I'm feeling good. I'm feeling like I did before the meds. I know the meds are not where they need to be yet. I am short tempered and have no patience. My husband is really getting on my nerves right now. Everything is my fault. I hate it when he does that stuff.



I rode on the stationary bike yesterday. I am trying to work on it more right now until I get a little better in shape. Then I will be able to get out more and handle it better. It looks as if I will either get a 40 mile or a 67 mile ride in May. They don't have a 50 mile ride. I will probably go one day and drive the route. Then make the decision on which one I will do. It will be great to accomplish this goal.



I meet with the psychiatrist tomorrow. I will get to see how my meds will change. I have the psychologist on Wednesday. I remember that this is what I have to do to get better.



I have been thinking more about my master program. I am a little nervous thinking that I will not be able to do it. It has been so long since I did that much studying that it scares me. I am going to give it all I have. I feel that this is where God is leading me. I've got to stop questioning.



Hope everyone out there has a great night. :)

Good Day!!

Well, today was a good day. We went to watch Kenzie play basketball. My sister-in-law Dori, sister-in-law Kari, and brother Adam went with me for moral support. The game went real well. I was anxious but not as bad as before. I think it helped that I had all the support from my family. I hope they realize how much that meant to me. My sister-in-laws really are sisters and my brother has always and continues to be a great brother.

Kenzie did a great job in the game. She almost scored her first points this season. She shot and it hit the backboard. It was like the second play of the game. She did a great job on defense. Her girl never scored a point.

Kenzie and her cousin Kathryn got to play together when we got back to the house. They play so well together. Kenzie is being a good big cousin. Kathryn is so cute. Anywhere Kenzie goes, Kathryn follows.

I'm feeling pretty good today. Still tired. If it wasn't for caffeine, I would be asleep all day right now. I was still shaky and a little tight chested as times during the game. I tried to keep the positive talking going with some deep breathing. It seems as if it gets a little easier every time. I think where it gets me the most is at home because these people know me. Sometimes amongst strangers the symptoms are not as bad. I am still waiting for the medicine to get straightened out.

The more I think about the Masters degree, the more I believe it is the right move for me. This would give me options. That is something right now I do not have. Then I just need to let the rest go to God. What will happen will happen because it was meant to happen. If I am to still teach then that path will open. If I am meant to go to administration in Health Care then that path will open. I say this but I have to believe it.

I hope everyone had a great day. Thanks again to my family for being there for me. :)

Interesting

I have had an interesting couple of days. Wednesday, I did not accomplish anything. I felt horrible and just slept. Yesterday was an okay day. I was able to accomplish some things. I felt okay. Today, I am not feeling well again. I am ready for a nap. It seems that the only way I can stay awake is to keep the caffeine coming. I haven't had much caffeine today.

The thing I accomplished is that I think I have a way to get out of teaching. I have applied to get a Masters in Health Care Administration Informatics. This would allow me to work pretty much in any hospital or clinic. It also specializes in computer technology which is real good since the health care industry has to be computerized by 2012. I would be able to take the course online through the University of Phoenix. I would be considered a full time student even though it won't feel like it. I will take a course for 5 weeks then move on to the next. It will take me 1 /2 years to complete. The problems is I have to get my husband excited about the deal especially since it will have to go on a student loan because we are not eligible for grants this year. Maybe next year I will be eligible. I think this is a great opportunity. One of the issues I have had with teaching is I felt like there was no where for me to go with that degree. Now I have a way out.

I am nervous. I wonder if I can still do it in regards to the grades. I think I can. This has seemed to give me an out if the school will not let me just teach elementary PE. I have an option and that makes me feel much better.

Still can't wait to get some energy back. I have not had any desire to exercise. I hate this.

I hope everyone has a great day. :)

Feeling Tired!

I am feeling real tired. I bet it has something to do with the switch in meds. I'm also having a heard time getting motivated. I did motivate myself enough to go for a 4.2 mile ride yesterday. I will try to do the recumbent today (if I get motivated). I enjoyed the ride yesterday, but am definitely out of shape.

I am feeling like I did before. When I even think about work I start get the thought that I can't do it any more. I had a comment from another person who used to be a teacher. I had commented how I missed the kids. She said you will always miss the kids but you have to consider your health and because of your health how good of a teacher are you really being. She said it was nice to go through a day and feel good. She said you have to consider how the teaching affects you and then also affects your behavior with your family. This made sense to me. I'm just not sure if I can handle it anymore.

If I am unable to go back to teaching, I will have to go back to school and do something in computers because that is something I can do from home. I don't know what is going to happen. I've just got to wait until my meds are working and I can make a good decision and see what the doctor's say.

The hard part of all of this is how I talk to myself. I am my worst critic. I wonder sometimes if I am really sick. I have talked to the doctor's about this and they said that I have to let myself heal. If all you can do is sleep, then sleep. I don't need to kick myself when I'm already down.

I hope everyone has a great day. :)

Fighting Hard in Battle

Well, I'm fighting hard in this battle against depression and anxiety. Today I will start riding my bike again with the goal of doing a 50 mile ride in May. This exercise will definitely help my serontin levels in the brain. They say exercise is a must for people with depression and anxiety.

My daughter is sick. I had to take her to doctor yesterday. I did pretty good being out. She has a cold and an inflamed or infected lymph node or salivary gland. Started medicine yesterday. She should be feeling better soon.

I am making contact with some old friends. This helps me to have someone to talk too. The psychiatrist said because of my history I have a hard time making life-long friends. It comes down to a trust issue with adults because the adults in my past did not protecting me against the abuse. I hope to fix this and be a better friend and make more life-long friends.

My husband is working today. He will not be in Saturday in time to go to the Little Dribblers game for my daughter. I an anxious about going by myself. I am going to ask my sister-in-law if she would like to go with me. Maybe that will help. I'm getting better, but it's still there.

Hope everyone out there has an awesome day. :)

Better Day!!

I did better yesterday at my daughter's little dribblers basketball game. I still focused on the camera and listened to music, but I didn't feel as panicky. I still felt bad when we were out doing shopping. Too many people.

I didn't go to church this morning because I have been real anxious at church and I did not want to get started first thing in the morning being anxious. My psychologist said to see how it makes you feel and then decide if you can handle it. I had a good meeting with the psychologist the other day. We talked about many things. One statement that stuck out is that people do not know how to respond to people with mental illness. That's why lots of times they will do something odd when dealing with a person with mental illness. That makes sense to me. I was that way about people in wheel chairs with multiple disabilities. That was until I started working with kids with multiple disabilities and realized that I was stupid in the past.

I am starting a new goal today. I want to be ready to ride in a 50 mile bike ride by May. I used to do 25 miles pretty easy so now I want to challenge myself a little more. I also hope that if I document my goal that it will encourage me a little more. Plus, it will get me motivated to exercise which is a necessity for someone with anxiety and depression. I'll be posting updates for you on the new goal. The old goal off getting items ready for garage sale is going good. I'm making good progress.

Hope everyone out there has a good day. :)

Accomplished Some

I accomplished some things yesterday. I got some of my daughter's old baby clothes marked and ready for the garage sale. Still did not feel real well. Besides the switch in medicine, I think the rain stirred something up with my allergies. I had a sore throat real bad last night and was up most of the night. Could not sleep because of drainage down my throat. Body still hurts and still real tired. Of course not sleeping good at night is not helping the tired feeling.

I just got my daughter off to school. She will have off on Monday for MLK day. She has a little dribblers game tomorrow in town at the old gym. I am already anxious about being out. She is also having pictures before the game. Hope to see some improvement over the last game.

I've loaded up on coffee (sure like the Keurig single cup coffee maker I received for Christmas)and need to get started working on more garage sale items.

Hope everyone out there has a great day. :)

Still Raining

This is a gloomy day.

Rainy Day

Today is a rainy day. It will be raining for about 3 days.

Yesterday was a tough day. I have started changing to dosage on meds to switch to the new meds. I was tires, unmotivated, and my body hurt. I did not accomplish anything yesterday. I slept and had a short temper. I think until we get my dosages right it will be tough. I am looking forward to the point when we get the meds right and my therapy is doing good. I hate feeling like this. It is not me. I'm better than this. I try to keep reminding myself that I have a disease and it takes time to beat this disease. I don't know if I can beat it, but I can control it with meds. I was told that I will be on meds the rest of my life.

I am trying to get motivated today. Need to get back to labeling the garage sell items. I'll let you know how that goes tomorrow.

Everybody out there have a great day! :)

Finally getting some answers!!

Yesterday was a tough day. I met with my psychiatrist for the 1st time. Her main goal is to care for the medicine. She already adjusted my medicine. She is slowly getting me off of Zoloft and putting me on Paxsil CR. I am still on the Abilify but only 10 mg. and will go to 5mg. next week. It was nice to have someone that really understood the medicine. I felt that is what I really needed. We also talked about my past and what was happening to me now. At the end of the session, she said that there is no coincidence that my daughter is 6 and when I was 6 I was molested by my uncle. She said subconsciously that may be why this is happening. See still wants me to be out on FMLA. I just hope that my disability insurance will kick in. I am also still to go to my psychologist. HE will deal more with the emotional part and the psychiatrist will deal more with the meds.

On a better note, my daughter and I played Wii together last night. It was fun. I just want to be a better Mom to her than my Mom was to me. I want to protect her from anything bad happening to her. I have communicated about our bodies and what to do if somebody tries to touch her private parts. I want her to be prepared if something did happen to her.

I pray it never happens to her.
Well, got to get started on my goal pf getting garage sale items ready. Hope everyone out there has a great day. :)

A Nice Day

Today I have been working on my goal of getting things ready a garage sale. I have been going through my daughters old baby clothes. It's hard to believe that she was ever that small. Amazing how fast they grow. I have felt pretty good today. I have been at the house except to take my daughter to school and basketball practiceand picking her up from school. I started to get a headache when I went to pick her up. I meet the psychiatrist tomorrow. I am taking a list of my meds. Now I'm going to be on cholesterol medicine as well as everything else. I feel like my body is doing as bad as my brain. My next goal is to get back in shape.

Hard Day

Today was a tough day. I was out in the public and I felt horrible. I tried to make it through by using deep breathing & listening to music. I didn't feel better until I got home.