Summer's coming!!!

One week left in school. It will be a busy week, but hopefully it will fly by fast. My daughter is looking forward to summer. She is ready to be a third grader.

Next Monday will be a tough day on me. I am planning on talking to my husband about divorce. He is mentally and verbally abusive and I can no longer take it. I think some of this abuse has led to my depression and anxiety battle. I wanted to have this talk about 2 months ago, but my psychiatrist wanted me to get through school first before I faced the divorce battle. I will see the psychiatrist Tuesday. She had mentioned last time about uping my meds through this time. We will see what happens. I am worried about how the talk will go. I tried five years ago to divorce him and he threatened suicide and I backed down. This time I think I am mentally prepared on how to react if he pulls that again. I just want the talk to be done with so I will know what I am dealing with in the future. I pray that he will be a good father and make sure that his daughter is cared for by paying child support. If he doesn't it will be hard but I will find a way through it. I pray that he will see that what is most important is our daughter. She needs to have as much security as possible. I'm hoping he will leave and not be a butt about it. I think it is important for my daughter to be in the house that she has lived in since birth. If he doesn't we will stay with my brother and his family for a while until I find a new place to live. Pray for us during this time.

It's been awhile!!

It has been a while since I last wrote. Things are much better. I have been working since last April. I am finally starting to feel like the same person I used to be at work. It has taken me awhile to feel like that. I made it through Cross Country and Basketball and am working on finishing out track. My classes are starting to get back to normal. I have started to teach like I used too.

I did have some thoughts of getting out of teaching, but my doctor thought I should give it some time. She thought it was the depression talking especially since I used to love teaching. I had thought about going to school to become a nurse. It is still in the back of my head. I just need to give teaching a few more years before I can decide to change.

One of the bad things about depression was the weight gain that occured. I ballooned to 225 lbs. I was feeling tired all the time and it seemed like anything I did to lose the weight just didn't work. After my doctor put me on an additional med to help me sleep at night, I have been able to tackle the weight gain. I am now down to 206 lbs. I have been counting calories. This has been good because I can still eat the foods I want but I just have to keep it under 1500 calories. My goal is to be at 190 lbs. by summer. That way I will look desent in a swimsuit for vacation. I will be getting back on the bicycle after spring break. My friend and I want to be able to ride in Waco in September. I think we are going to try 50 miles.

I still have bad days now and then. That is a heck of a lot better than having every moment being bad. I have come a long way and I plan on continuing to get better.

I will try and do a better job about writing.